I Didn’t ‘Find’ Confidence — I Built It, Slowly and Imperfectly

 

 

Confidence isn’t something you either have or don’t have.
It’s not fixed.
It’s not permanent.

And it’s not something that always feels strong.

Confidence is something we build — again and again.

At different points in life, we all lose it.
Perhaps something didn’t go as we had hoped.
Maybe someone’s words cut deeper than they should have.
Or maybe we just stopped believing in ourselves for a while.

 

 Real confidence isn’t loud or perfect.
It’s not about always feeling sure — it’s about trusting yourself enough to keep going even when you’re unsure.

 

The Illusion of Fake Confidence
Yes, confidence can be faked. And sometimes, we need to fake it just to take that first step.
There’s nothing wrong with that — it can give us just enough courage to show up in the moment.

But fake confidence is a short-term strategy.
If we don’t back it up with self-trust, healing, and growth, we’ll end up burnt out, disconnected, or constantly performing.

Real confidence isn’t about pretending.
It’s about knowing your worth even when things are uncertain.

 

How to Build Real Confidence: Gently, Honestly, and from Within
Building confidence isn’t about pushing through fear or pretending to be someone else. It’s about reconnecting with who you are — with gentleness, curiosity, and courage.

 

Here are a few meaningful ways to begin:

 

1. Start With Inner Work
One of the most powerful ways to build true, lasting confidence is by turning inward.
Ask yourself:

When did I start doubting myself?

What moments or experiences made me feel small or invisible?

Whose voice have I internalised that told me I wasn’t enough?

This inner reflection helps you identify the root of shaken confidence, and from there, you can begin healing. This has been my path, and the approach I support others through as well. Because without understanding why your confidence was lost, it’s hard to build something that truly lasts.

 

2. Try Something New — Just for You
Sometimes, confidence grows simply by doing something you’ve always wanted to try.
It doesn’t have to be big.
Pick something small: a class, a hobby, a new way of dressing, or speaking your truth in a low-stakes space.

You might be surprised at how freeing it feels. But please, be gentle with yourself — because when we finally step into something we’ve long denied ourselves, it can also stir old self-judgement.

Remember: this is not about being perfect. It’s about showing yourself that you’re allowed to take up space.

 

3. Mirror Someone You Admire
Think of someone you see as confident.
What is it about them? Their voice, posture, calmness, and honesty?
What qualities do you admire? And — here’s the key — why did you choose them?

Often, the people we admire reflect something we are ready to unlock within ourselves.
Ask yourself:

What do I already share with this person?

What am I afraid I don’t have yet — and is that true?

This isn’t about comparison. It’s about self-reflection and permission. It’s your mirror, not your measuring stick.

 

4. Use the Power of Reframing
Reframing is a powerful tool. It helps you shift how you view yourself and your past.

Instead of:
❌ “I failed,  I’m not good enough.”
Try:
✅ “I tried something new. That takes courage. What can I learn and carry forward?”

Instead of:
❌ “No one noticed me.”
Try:
✅ “I showed up even when I felt invisible, and that says a lot about my strength.”

This gentle shift in perspective creates space for confidence to breathe. Over time, these small reframes become your inner voice — steady, supportive, and kind.

 

Remember: Confidence Is a Relationship with Yourself
It's not about being fearless or loud.
It's about trusting your ability to come back to yourself — even after setbacks, doubts, or silence.

So start wherever you are.
No rush. No pressure.
Just a quiet promise to yourself:
 “I am willing to meet myself again — with compassion.”